Tumbling into Tension

My least favourite place is the gym where I used to do gymnastics. It is a building with a large open area and a high ceiling. It is filled with gymnastics equipment. Most of the equipment, aside from what is made of metal or wood, is either bright red or royal blue. The building is always packed with people doing their own work; getting in each other’s way. It is overwhelmingly loud, and there are coaches watching everything the gymnasts do. This leads to a very stressful environment. Everything I did there was scrutinized and evaluated. Who would want that? There is chalk in the air and on every surface: it never looks like the place was cleaned well enough. Even if it is cleaned, it gets dirty again almost immediately. Gross.

When I was younger, I used to love being at gymnastics. Over time the environment became less nurturing, and more suffocating. Being surrounded by people, which I once thought of as a great social environment, became stressful. I felt like even the smallest mistake was something horrible and embarrassing. There was so much pressure! Being at the gym was also scary. The likelihood of getting injured was too high for my comfort. I had many injuries throughout my years of gymnastics. The joy of the sport wasn't worth the pain or the worry. As much as I hated it there, I felt like I had a responsibility to keep going. I would be there more days than not. It became like school, in the way that I felt as though I was required to be there. It took me years to finally quit.